Is My Baby Sleeping Badly, or Is This Normal? (Part 1)
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The Tiny Big Joys Podcast | Guest: Lucy | Host: Olivia
Part 1 is the "is this normal?" half. Before any tips or techniques, Lucy Bagwell goes back to the question underneath almost every sleep worry: is my baby actually sleeping badly, or is this just what babies are like? She shares how her own son's colic, a hospital stay at three weeks and a feeding oversupply led her into the sleep world, and why the conflicting advice out there made it so much harder. Then she gently takes apart the expectations: the six-month "they should be fine now" idea, the 12-hour night, the fear of spoiling, and the comparisons with friends whose babies "sleep through". Three listener questions bring it back to real life: the baby who wakes every one to three hours, naps when nights are already good, and what to actually be intentional about with a very young baby. This episode covers holistic sleep support, red flags, temperament, normal sleep in the first year, why babies wake, sleep regressions and separation anxiety, sleeping through the night, high and low sleep needs, wake windows, sleepy cues versus boredom, activity levels and sensory needs, naps and overtiredness, day and night, and simple first bedtime steps.
Instagram @thetinybigjoys
Lucy Bagwell is a certified gentle and holistic infant sleep consultant (Level 6 OCN), based in South East London, a mum of two and the founder of Second Star to the Right Sleep. Her fascination with sleep started with the birth of her son, whose early months were shaped by colic, discomfort and a lot of conflicting advice. She moved into the sleep world when he was about a year and a half. She now works one-to-one with families all over the world, through one-off calls and in-depth 90-minute consultations, alongside guides, webinars and weekly Q&As on social media. Her support is built on one firm principle: no cry-it-out. It looks at the whole child, including red flags, feeding, temperament, development, family logistics and goals, rather than only how a baby falls asleep.
Instagram @secondstartotheright_sleep
Key Takeaways
Holistic means looking at the whole child. How your baby falls asleep isn't the priority. The starting point is checking for red flags like feeding issues, tension, mouth breathing or discomfort, then temperament, development and what your family actually wants.
Every baby is an individual. Be wary of anything that starts with "all babies". Two parents can do exactly the same thing and have completely different experiences.
Broken sleep in the first couple of years can be completely normal. It isn't automatically a sign of a problem, and it doesn't mean you've done anything wrong.
You're not the only one up at night. Statistically, 80% of six- to 18-month-olds wake up to three times a night.
The feeling of failing is part of the exhaustion. "Everyone else's baby sleeps" is a heavy thing to carry, and so much of that messaging isn't true for most families.
You give support because they need it, not they need it because you gave it. You can't spoil a tiny baby. Holding them a lot just means they get used to being held.
Why babies wake: shorter sleep cycles, and they need us. We all stir between sleep cycles. Adults can sort themselves out. Babies need help, and needing comfort is a valid need too.
Regressions are a heightened need, not a step backwards. Big developmental leaps often come with separation anxiety. Giving more support for a while is okay, and nothing is forever.
There's no set length for a hard patch. Sometimes it's a two-day blip, sometimes it's illness, a tooth, childcare and walking all at once. Writing it all down can make it suddenly make sense.
"Sleeping through the night" is shorter than you think. Studies usually count six to eight hours. From six months to three years, 10 to 11 hours overnight, broken, is around average.
If the wake window chart doesn't fit, it's the chart's problem. Plenty of babies thought to have low sleep needs are simply average. Follow your baby, and use average windows only as a starting point.
Sleepy or just bored? Try one new thing: a new room, the window, feet in the sink. If they perk up, they needed something new. If not, they're tired.
Some babies need to move before they can rest. Activity level is a temperament trait. For some little ones, a burst of physical play before bed makes all the difference, and it's full of connection too.
Sensitive sleepers need a gentler set-up. Get curious about pyjama fabric, labels, light, sound and whether the bath really helps right before bed.
Naps still matter, even if nights are good. Most little ones need sleep spread across the day until they drop their last nap, usually between two and a half and three and a half.
Don't be frightened of a tired baby. Overtiredness used to be blamed for everything, and now some parents cap sleep blindly. Trust your instincts. You can always adjust either way.
Nothing is a problem unless it's a problem. If you're contentedly going with the flow with a young baby, you don't need a routine yet.
The first gentle steps. Keep daytime light and nights dark and quiet, and add a couple of simple, predictable bedtime steps, like the same little song. It will grow over time.
Coming in Part 2: should you sleep train? Lucy's short answer is that it's not her practice, and she will never judge anyone who does. Part 2 covers what you can actually do instead.
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